Sunday, August 28, 2011

Zombie Attack

My dad and I watched "Living Dead." Well, maybe that's not what it was called, maybe it was some other combination of words implying that something dead is no longer that way. If you know me at all, then you know I'm afraid of everything: bugs, bubble baths, my basement, under my bed, etc. But, no matter how scary they make Zombies seem I am convinced there is no need to be afraid of them.

1. They are dumber than rocks. 
2. They are slower than rocks as well
3. It's unrealistic to think that we couldn't stop the zombie epidemic before it happened to 100 people
4. Unlike vampires, they are easy to kill

Yes, they want to eat you, but so do bears, and we manage to keep them away most of the time. (Okay, I know bears don't really want to eat you... but I couldn't think of a better animal). If the movies about zombies hold any truth, then I will be one of the only people left alive. So, to save any of you who thinking hiding in a dead end hallway will be a good idea, let me give you a how-to list of surviving a zombie epidemic

Step 1: The first time you realize someone has turned into a zombie, do not let them scratch or bite you. It'd be a good idea if you just killed them. No need to feel guilty about this, because the person already died anyway. Lucky for you, you just killed the only zombie, and now no one else is going to become one. Consider yourself a hero.

Step 2: If you neglect to stop the problem at the base and a couple hundred zombies are created, get each zombie into a prison cell, or even easier, a room with a lock. Then leave them there. I don't think they are smart enough to unpick a lock, or even use their opposable thumb to turn the door knob

Step 3: If, in fact, you are one of the last  people in the entire world, then you have two options. First, hopefully one airplane pilot has survived, and together, you will fly to an uninhabited island. If that won't work, build a fort in the middle of nowhere made out of cement or metal.

Congratulations, you are still alive.

Of course, even after yelling all this at the TV, when the show was over I was still afraid of zombies for the rest of the night. Then, I took a pictures of lightning. And I felt cool about it.

Fact: Lightning kills more people each year than zombies

Friday, August 26, 2011

I talk Fashion

As of late, I have felt the urge to start dressing for (the phrase really felt like it should rhyme). Well, every powerful looking woman wears a pair of kick-butt heels. So, I've put away my ever beloved Toms (Note from the hipster in me: I totally wore Toms before everyone else) and I've been on the hunt for heels.
It's a disaster.
First off, I can barely stay balanced in a pair of tennis shoes. Put a 3 inch chopstick under that shoe? There is no way I'm walking without support. It's embarrassing.

So, I went shopping today with my little tis, who is quite the fashionista, hoping she could guide me. Instead, she informed me that there are a few tragic trends going on right now.

First off: THE CLOG
No. Absolutely not. Unless you plan on heading up to the alps soon to go a yodel-lodel-ing, then these CANNOT be cute!
who doesn't want their feet to look bigger?

Second: Flares
Until the world becomes really good at roller-disco, there is no need for this unflattering little beauties. Now they would look great if we all looked like this:
are those clogs peeking under at me?

But, the majority of people don't have legs that are mistaken telephone poles. So, this is what the rest of us look like:
In those pants are a fold out chair, laptop computer, and the population of Mexico city.

Which brings me to the fashions I wish were coming back in... or coming in for the first time

Tattoo Choker Necklaces

Like having a bad tattoo... only more itchy.

The Rachel
I really feel like I missed out on this trend, and I'd like it to come back while I've still got hair

Giant Sweatshirts

Like this, only in an XXXXXL Large. I''m convinced if I keep wearing them like I do the world is bound to catch on

In other news, I'm bored out of my mind.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

She's so Lucky

Obviously, it's hard coming from working in the happiest place on earth to slaving away at BYU, so coming home was not something I was looking forward to. A couple lucky moments have kept me sane.

First, on the full flight from Orlando to Denver there was only ONE open seat on the entire plane. Well, guess who that seat was next to... ME! It made for an incredibly wonderful plane nap.

Now, I inherited my adventurous side from my father. Since he was the one booking my ticket home, when he saw that there was one plane that landed directly in Provo he booked it immediately. The airline was a mess, and the layover was terrible, but the worst part had to be the other passengers. 
Don't get me wrong, they were all INCREDIBLY kind, and they smelled clean enough. The only thing is, everyone was married. I'm not lying. And out of the large crowd of newly weds, there had to be at least 5 couples my age with a baby (or babies). I'm sure that they made the right decision, and I'm sure that they are so very in love, but Disney World is full of the most flamboyant, crazy, loving, single people I've ever met. I could just feel the pressure to get married building up sitting in a crowd of 20-something year old parents, and I already started to miss my home away from home.
Here is where I get lucky. I had a feeling I would be sitting next to a new mommy, or even worse, her crying baby. But I ended up sitting next to a familiar face. To describe how I know this girl, I have to insert a mini story. When I was a freshman my roommates and I made a silly little video and put it on Facebook. It got surprisingly popular, and I had at least 4 complete strangers add me as a friend on FB because they thought I was funny. Well, the girl I sat next to ended up being one of those people. That's right, I spent my flight sitting next to someone who already thought I was funny. Needless to say, it was the perfect time to spout off a few of my favorite jungle jokes, all of which she laughed at. Not to sound sentimental, but this little blessing made my transition home much easier, and taught me that no matter how hard it is for me to find people in Provo who think I'm great, they do exist. 

Side Note: Seriously, I don't dislike people who have children. For real. And I love Children. It was just the change in the people around me that made me upset, not the people themselves. The mountains made me sad too, and I'm obsessed with those things. Ok. Just had to explain that to made sure no one had hurt feelings.

Then I drove home in my new car. No big deal.

Inserting picture to make this post look less wordy...

Seriously, I don't know why I let myself feel low so often, I have to be the luckiest person I know.