Tuesday, September 25, 2012

I saw it on Pinterest!

This post was inspired by a ridiculous mom-pin I saw posted on Pinterest yesterday.

What is a mom pin? It is a ridiculous craft that delusional newly married girls post thinking that someday they will be such a perfect mom that they will have time to sew their little girls's dresses out of old tshirts, frame their own photography in frames made of spoons, and make cupcakes that look like pandas every night  all while trying to take care of a child.

The pin that inspired was simple enough. It was a list of cute "how to's" for cute moms. At the top of the list? Stickers to put on apples that have cute messages for the kids like "I love you," or "Have a good day" or  "You are superior to the kid eating the PB&J sandwich not cut in the shape of a heart." I imagine the mom who made these stickers must be a blonde, into yoga, rich, emotion-free, hasn't-eaten-sugar-in-ten-years, wears heels on the treadmill kind of lady.


You are not going to have time to make your kids little apple-stickers with love notes on them. You are not going to have time to cut their sandwiches into the shape of their favorite animal. You will be lucky if you have enough time to pack them a lunch, write them a note, or sleep at night. Heck, I have zero children and I don't have time to pack a lunch now. These crafts and DIYs are ridiculous. 

That is my rant.

In the mean time, I tried to find this particular pin, and accidentally spent an hour on Pinterest and created a new board.

Pinterest is the devil. Excuse me while I go put a cut up sock to put in my hair. 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Running... er... speedwalking

I was trying to convince my sister to do a 5k with me. She obviously misses me a lot, because she was so elated about the thought of seeing me again that she agreed to sign up, completely forgetting that both of us are incapable of running.

3 miles didn't really seem that long until I learned that I could only run for about 10 minutes at a time before I wanted to walk again. I knew I had a lot of working out to do before running the whole 5k was a reality for me. 

I downloaded a couch to 5k podcast (5k101.com was my personal choice) and I got my butt out of bed every morning to get my workout done for the day. 

Finally, after a month of working at it, I started running for 30 minutes straight. I was a stinking runner! YEAH! I knew I had my olympic-track-coach-grandpa's genes in me somewhere! I was feeling pretty great about this until a comment I got a week or so ago...

I was walking around the WB lot when I was stopped by a guy about my age.  I had seen him around, and we always said hi to each other, but we'd never really spoken. He was cute, and I was actually a little excited that he was talking to me.

"Hey! I think I saw you on Chandler this morning!" - Him
"Probably, I live around there" - Me
"I think I saw you speedwalking or something."
"Ha, if you saw me walking, I was probably normal walking...." Nervous giggle. Walk away.
Awkward end to the conversation, but I was hopeful that this guy was very confused on what a jog is. Just to test my speed, I decided to head over to the gym and run on the treadmill to see how fast I was actually going.

It was slow... very slow.

So, while I thought I looked like Jennifer Garner on Alias (I just barely discovered this show and I'm obsessed with it, but I now realize after 20 minutes searching on youtube for ONE video of Jennifer Garner running on the show that this reference is completely irrelevant. If it ain't on youtube, it don't matter ) I look more like... 

Hopefully my sister is doing better...

Monday, September 10, 2012

My Tiny Cellphone - A Love Affair

I started writing this particular post back in May, back when I had a Sony Ericson Walkman. You don't know what that is? FOR SHAME!

This phone was amazing!
  It played music. Unfortunately, you needed a special cable to hook the phone to your computer to upload any music, so I never added anything new, which was okay because it came with the only song I ever really needed to listen to: Love in This Club by Usher. (dripping with sarcasm)

We regularly took photos together

  It was tiny. It easily fit in my bra without anyone noticing, except when I awkwardly pulled it out to answer it... (why do they even add pockets to jackets or pants if they're FAKE! I digress... that's another rant for another day. The point of that sentence was to clarify why I wasn't using pockets to hold my phone) I'm certain this phone was the inspiration for the cellphones in Zoolander

I had one of these babies for most of my cellphone-owning-life.

Wait... I should clarify. Each of the 9 phones I owned in college was a Sony Ericson Walkman. Each phone was unique, and was tied to specials memories, events, and people (boys). Just like the memories, each phone met its tragic end in a uniquely different way.

1. Water damage... from salty water... from my eyes.. otherwise known as tears. Yup. I cried so much during a conversation with my mom about the woes of my freshman year that my phone gave up the ghost.

2. Freshman year brings out the otherwise controlled stupidity of all 19 year old kids. For me, it was the day I decided to showcase my fun and spontaneous nature by jumping into a swimming pool in November fully clothed, cell phone in pocket. No one thought I was cool, and I no longer had a phone to cry on when I talked to my mom about my lack of cool-ness

3. Did I mention how small these guys are? They even fit in pipes! I learned that after I flushed one down the toilet. It survived for a short time. I knew it was alive because I could hear it vibrating for a good two minutes until we were able to get it out. It died shortly after

4. Dropped once or twice... or 15 times.

5. Left in a hotel room in Florence, Italy

6. Fell on my face with my phone in my pocket... the damage left both the phone and my pride permanently scarred.

7. Fell out of my pocket on Big Thunder Mountain. No good hearted Disneyland-er ever gave it back.

8. My dad gave me a new one for Christmas, assuming that I'd have already broken my last phone... which I didn't, but I decided to put one phone to rest to start using the new Christmas phone

9. After 2 months in LA, I realized that life without an iphone was not going to work for the people out here. After a genius plan to fooled my father into agreeing that I should get an iphone, I finally laid my last walkman down to rest.

On the only anniversary I've ever had with a phone. I'm serious when I say it was a love affair
Even though I am an iphone owner now, my baby sized phone will always be my first love, and you never forget your first.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Movin' on up

I am the Dubs PA on Conan.

This is the normal reaction.

"Ah! What? How exciting! I'm so happy for you... That's great that you're... uh... what do you do?"

My mom seems to call me every other day asking me to explain my job to her again.

Basically, I take each act of the show (each act is broken up by commercials) and edit them together, I make a bunch of copies, then I give those copies to 10 people around the office. I archive the show, and make sure it's saved in 3 places. That's about it.

I also work with all the old shows. My first week in, I had to go back and find scenes from shows recorded on giant VHS like tapes from the 90s. I have to use this machine

I pulled stills to highlight characters played by one of our amazing writers, Brian McCann. It was his last day.

While it doesn't look like I did a lot, I was SO excited to have something I helped create be on the show.

Friday, August 31, 2012

A New Roommate

My roommates were interns, and they needed to leave when their internship ended. Where was I going to go?! I don't have friends who live here permanently, and rent is outrageous.

Lucky for me, my mom found Willo.

Willo is the 89 year old mother of a family friend. She lives here in Burbank, and has an extra room. I stay there now.

It's been a little bit of a transition switching from living with my twenty-something year old roommates to living with Willo. She thought my friend Michael was my son. She won't let me turn the air-conditioning on at night. She can't hear the doorbell ring when I'm locked out.

But after one week of living with her, I'm starting to love it. She watches the Dodgers all day. She eats ice cream every night. She dyes her hair red. She's pretty cool.

My favorite thing has been exploring the things that are stored in the room that I'm staying in.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Name Dropping... and a Picture to Prove it

It's hard to write to much about my days out here. Not for a lack of experiences.

I have an amazing job, and crazy things happen. I've worked two award shows, and I work on a late night talk show. I have met a lot of people. Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Shane West, Robert Pattinson, Chris Hemsworth, Rebecca Black, Kristen Stewart, Zachary Levi, Liam Neeson, Zoey Deschanel, the cast of Pretty Little Liars, Carly Ray Jepson, Jack Black, Joel McHale, cast of Vampire Diaries, Puck from Glee. Ok. A lot of people.

And there are a lot of stories.

But, at the end of the day, this is my job, and those people are my bosses. They deserve my respect and discretion (I will say that when Zachary Levi smiled at me backstage at the Teen Choice Awards, I just about died).
Heart stopped, knees gone. This was after meeting the boys from Vampire Diaries, Justin Bieber, and Chris Hemsworth.
Finally, I met someone outside of work.

Yesterday, while working in the audience at CONAN, Dominic Monaghan announced that he would be at Moe's (a local restaurant) after the show. I had to go. My love for him started with Lord of the Rings, but really reached its peak when I started watching Lost. Lost founded the most important friendship I've ever had, and Charlie was our favorite character.

As soon as the show was finished, I hopped on my bike and raced over. I beat him there. Two other employees from CONAN showed up. We asked to sit at a table right by the door. We had an empty seat. When he came in the door, he was bombarded with fans asking for pictures and autographs. I like to think I looked cool and collected sitting at my table, but I'm sure I looked giddy.
He finally got through the crowd, saw our open chair, and sat down at our table. He pulled out friendship bracelets, and gave one to each of us. I don't know what I said, and I can't remember how he responded. After a little bit, he was waved to another table and off he went.

We sat for a moment before Eric Stonestreet (aka Cam on Modern Family) walked in the door.

Eric and Dominic sat together at the table next to us. A few CONAN audience members walked in the door. They looked nervous, so I offered to introduce them and take a picture (mostly so I could talk to him again). I walked them over to his table, and Dominic started really talking, and we had a real conversation, and it ended on his feelings about Chick-Fil-A.

We decided to take a picture showing off the friendship bracelets he had given us. He told us to tweet it to him. So I did. That's when Dominic Monaghan retweeted a picture of me.

I went home, proud that I met someone I really admired, and excited that I finally had a famous person encounter that I could actually share on my blog.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Bike Club

3 years ago I went to Bolzano, Italy where you could rent a bike for only 1 euro a day! Of course, we decided to try it. I hadn't ridden (is that a word?) a bike in years, and I was nervous I would fail. Of course, the old saying proved true. You never forget how to ride a bike.
We rode through hills, and towns, and meadows. It was one of the greatest days of my life. Ever since then, I have wanted a bike.

I asked for it every year for Christmas. 

"No." My dad didn't even want to think about it. But I never gave up. I wanted a stinking bike!!!

Finally, a couple weeks ago, I told my parents that I was going to get a bike. He finally agreed that I could get it. After checking out a few bike shops, I found the perfect bike.

TADA! In the most un-bike-friendly city in the world I got my first bike. I've only had it for two days, but I feel like I'm in some sort of club. I pass other bikers on the street, and we smile at each other. They probably are smiling at me as a response to my creepy stranger smile, but I like to believe that we are saying:

"Yeah. They say it's dangerous to ride bikes here. But us? We live on the edge. Ride on brotha!!!"

Friday, June 8, 2012

My 15 Minutes of Fame

I had the huge privilege of being in a sketch for Conan last night.

Thanks to Jose Arroyo, one of the writers for the show, for letting me be a part of it.

I think the coolest part is probably that I was on the same show as Chris Hemsworth. We're basically friends now, right?

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Children Have Blogs

The title of my blog may be a little, oh how do I say this, misleading? Inaccurate? A complete lie?

It's time to come clean.

I'm not an adult by anyone's standards.

When I finished high school, I moved into the freshman dorms at BYU and knew that I'd be done living at home forever. Or at least until the next year. I technically had an apartment my sophomore and junior year, meaning that rent was paid, but half the time I just went to my parent's house and slept there. This last year, I finally recognized that paying rent for an apartment I didn't sleep in was ridiculous, and I moved back home.

Oh, I'm sorry, did you think that I paid for my own rent? Nope. Still too much of a child to do that. (Gotta stop doing these unpaid internships.)

When I did leave home for a job I went to a theme park... where I wore a costume... and pretended I was a jungle explorer.

I can't kneel while I say my prayers because I'm afraid of what might be under the bed.

My favorite movies are all cartoons.

I had a cookie for breakfast this morning, then rootbeer for lunch.

No one in their right mind should allow me to be on my own.

I could graduate in December, my baby sister is married, my Junior Prom date is engaged, the girls I watched when I was a counselor at summer camps are in college, I could have gone on a mission and returned by now, my next exciting birthday age is 30, I have a hip replacement. I AM OLD! (The hip replacement is a lie, but it might as well be true at my age).

The title shall now unofficially be "Adults with a Peter Pan Complex have Blogs"

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Anti-Bucket List

I've been trying so hard to find my niche in this blogging world. Many of the popular blogs out there are about crafts, fashion, photography, or about how the blogger is SO in love with her husband. Unfortunately for me, I know nothing about crafts, I'm barely capable of dressing myself, my camera takes nice pictures but that is no credit to me, and I am MADLY in love with my husband... I just haven't met him yet... (But mark my words Jake Gyllenhaal, someday we will.)

So, I tried to find something I could pull from these other blogs.

I found a lot of people making "Bucket Lists." Hitchhiking across Europe, bungee jumping off the top of the Eiffel Tower, Dancing with a storm trouper in Morocco, etc. I started to notice that all the ideas sounded crazy cool... for a tv show... not real life.

However great it seems like it would be to jump out of an airplane while making a rootbeer float, I don't think I would ever do it. It's expensive, scary, and I don't really like rootbeer all that much anyway. On top of that, it is could cause me to kick the bucket sooner.

I would like to live for as long as possible... So here is my anti-bucket list: really great things that will allow me to keep my bucket upright for as long as possible

1. Check my blood pressure by myself
2. Look at a plane flying in the sky, as I dive off a low diving board.
3. Avoid sticking things in electric sockets
4. Stand at the finish line of a marathon and congratulate people who finished
5. Marry Jake Gylenhaal
6. Eat spinach
7. Watch "The Amazing Race" on television from a safe viewing distance
8. Go to my parents house and drink filtered water
9. Send in an audition tape to "Survivor" and then send a rejection letter when they do actually choose me
10. Write lists and put them on my blog

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Practice Makes Perfect

My time here at Conan has taught me how much I really like comedy, but it's also made me realize that I don't practice enough. If I actually want to go into comedy writing, I need work on writing.

Writing is like running. You can't just start running one day and expect to be amazing. Lucky for me, writing doesn't make me wish I was dead every second I'm doing it.

It's time to work those writing muscles. Expect more blog posts.

I also started a twitter account. Well, it's actually my second, but I didn't want to take the time to fix my old one. Sorry "singing bri" followers.

As far as a "life" update goes, not much has changed. I am still an intern for Conan. I'm still watching absurd amounts of Supernatural. I'm still constantly stressing over the fact that I don't have a perfect 5 year plan (heck, I don't even have a good 5 month plan).

Wait! Is my life sounding too boring to be a real show biz lifestyle? Well, maybe ya'll should watch Conan on Thursday... because I might be cool... but it's a big maybe, because stuff gets cut from the show all the time... and I'm not saying I'm in stuff on the show... but I'm not saying I'm not in stuff on the show... I'm just being cryptic, because I don't want to say anything I shouldn't...

If I had an iphone, I would have added a picture here...

Saturday, June 2, 2012

My Relationship with Garmin

LA is a crazy place, full of homeless people, sketchy neighborhoods, and foreign people. More than anything though, LA is full of freeways, one way streets, and endless ways to get lost, which is why I have my handy, dandy GPS Garmin!

Taking pictures with my phone of my GPS while driving. I'm all sorts of safe!
She has helped me get all over the place. From going to Irvine to pick up a kilt rental, to driving Zankou Chicken to pick up another lunch order for someone, and I appreciate that she knows the area better than I do, but most the time I find my self yelling furiously at her.

I'll be driving somewhere, sticking perfectly to the instructions that she has given me then suddenly her snooty british voice comes out: "Recalculating..." NO! Why? What have I done to displease you master Garmin? You can hear how condescending she is when she says it, too.

Once I drove out to Newport Beach to spend some time with a friend. Garmin had me circling the location for nearly an hour. I knew we were circling because there were signs that let me know I was in the right city, and we kept driving on the same road over and over. It made me so upset I wanted to take Garmin, and throw her out the window... but I couldn't... because she was still in charge... So instead I just screamed at her... which is sad. Don't worry, she was punished. Once we got to the location I put her in the corner, facing the wall and told everyone that they were not to look at her.

I recognize that Garmin is not, in fact, a real person. I can't imagine how cruel I would be to a real person riding shotgun trying to figure out how to read a map.

Friday, May 18, 2012

A Day in Santa Monica

Before I moved to California, I decided that I really didn't like the beach. I'm terrified of water, and I hate getting dirty. Those two things basically describe the beach: sand and water.

My roommate and I had a couple days off, so I decided to give the beach another chance. We drove out to Santa Monica for an afternoon. I didn't get in the water, and we didn't spend much time on the sand. I loved it.

I'm all about the character of a city, and Santa Monica has some real character.

At this point she said to me "Oh no... you're like a mom"
She will have to get used to waiting for me to take pictures, and posing for them

You got tickets to the GUN SHOW?

Monday, May 14, 2012

The Candy Touch

If you asked my parents to describe me, you would hear a plethora of great words (Perfect, better than Brooke, like a saint, etc.) 

You may also hear the word "Cheap"

I hate spending money (unless it's on traveling... even then, I would stay in the sketchiest of cheap motels if my mother didn't for me to find otherwise). I will avoid buying things. Important things. Since moving here? Groceries have really taken a hit.

At work, there is a break room stocked full of food. Mostly candy, but food nonetheless. And gas is so expensive... I just don't feel like buying real food. Do you see the reasoning? So, for the past two weeks I have lived on a diet based on what I can find in the Conan break room. Here is a staple of my daily menu:

Breakfast: Fig newtons
Lunch: Mini bagel with hummus and Diet Coke
Snack: Twizzlers
Dinner: Flips chocolate covered pretzels 

How do I feel on a scale of "vegan - buddy the elf"? Pretty awful, considering sugar has replaced my normal serving of vegetables. At the same time, there's a little pride in the fact that I'm eating what the 6 year old me dreamed my diet would be. I'd like to compare the experience the book "The Chocolate Touch." At first it was awesome that everything was candy... but man, I could really go for some carrots right now.

This picture is an analogy: I'm crying in the candy aisle because all I see is sugar... but I just need to turn around and, Behold! Are those leafy greens I see?

To all of you who are now very worried about my rotting teeth and cankered tongue, you needn't worry. I just made a shopping list, and it involves 3 different kinds of vegetables and no sugar. Of course, getting to the store is a whole other story...

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Conan update/People are obsessed with mustaches

Do you ever go to work really tired, and grumpy, and then realize "OH MY HECK I WORK FOR CONAN" and then get really excited? Because that happens to me about every 5 minutes here.

I was talking to my family today. I wanted to show off the only song I can play on the ukulele, but they wanted to know about the famous people I've seen, and how much I miss them. ("Them" meaning my family... pronouns are confusing). To sum it up quickly, yes, I've seen a lot more famous people, obviously, because my boss's job is to interview them. Joel McHale, the girls from Pretty Little Liars, and the girl from the Vampire Diaries are the newest on the list (plus another, who must remain a secret for a while longer). And of course I miss my family.


We are obsessed. It is a problem. If I see one more picture of a tragically hip girl with a fake mustache on pinterest I think I might die. Pretty girls all over have at least one picture with some sort of fake mustache. I call it the "adorable mustache." I mean I totally understand the trend. Nothing says "I'm an adorable girl" quite like a collection of hair above our lips, right?

They come in the form of finger tattoos

On a stick (Even I have been a victim in the epidemic)
Wedding Announcements

The list goes on an on... seriously. I found wrapping paper, mugs, necklaces, shirts, beanies, and there is even a giant convention this weekend in LA dedicated entirely to mustaches. I think the adorable mustache has run its course, and it's time to move on to the next thing. 

I'm being so ironic, it's cute!
That's right. Why should we have that hair above our lips, when it can be just as cute BELOW! Just think of all the cute places you can put a picture of a soul patch: On a necklace, on your shirt, on your baby's binky, on your wedding ring, on all the mustache paraphernalia you already bought, etc.

Because why look like this guy:
When you can look like this guy:

You could even combine the two and look like this guy:

Yay adorable female facial hair! For some reason I blame Zooey Deschanel...

Thursday, May 3, 2012

People in LA are the Nicest

I always heard that Mormons were often the nicest people around. That is wrong. Burbank-ians are the kindest.

My landlord worked way above and beyond to get me into my apartment.

Everyone at Conan is willing and eager to teach me all sorts of new things about the industry.

Every store owner welcomes each customer as they enter.

Everyone seems to know everyone... the way I imagined only happened in small towns

Waiters/waitresses are perky and my water never empties.

And then there's my internet guys.
I got the information for the company's representative, Andrei, a day after I moved in. I left him a message and he never called back. So, I was already a little frustrated when gave him another call. Then I had a difficult time understanding him because of his heavy accent. More frustration. We scheduled a time for him to come by, and it was a longer wait than I wanted. I threw a mini tantrum in my head.
When the appointment time came, he knocked at my door right on time. I was feeling grumpy, and ready to be perturbed, but I could not stay upset at this adorable guy. He was an armenian man in his late forties just short of 6 feet, with a giant smile from ear to ear plastered on his face. With him was another man in his thirties who was just as jolly.
They came in and went right to work. The younger man noticed my ukelele sitting on the couch.
"You play?" He said
"No. I really don't"
"Do you like hawaiian music"
"Well... no"
I know, it's amazing how charming I can be when I completely shut a conversation down. I wanted to just read in silence, but Andrei would have none of it.
"Sing us a song!"
"Oh really, I can't"
"Oh please, play Somewhere Over the Rainbow" And somehow his smile got bigger.
I conceded. I haven't figured out how to strum and sing at the same time yet... but I gave it my best shot. They were both so pleased. They clapped and cheered. Then Andrei crossed off the little section of paper that said "installation fee." Yup. My terrible ukelele skills saved me $25, and my internet guys are either the nicest guys in the world, or two tone-deaf men who live in a cave and have never heard Somewhere Over the Rainbow.
Praise to the uke that got me free internet installation.
The magic powers of the uke shall someday be used to make Jake Gyllenhaal fall in love with me.

Somehow our conversation continued, and turned to more serious subjects. I learned that Andrei was from Iran, and that he had fought in the army because it was a requirement. He was seriously injured by a bomb and nearly died. His story was incredible, and I suddenly felt very guilty for being bothered by his accent.
20 minutes after their arrival, my internet was set up, and they were on their way. I can honestly say that I was sad that they were leaving, partially because I realized that after they left I would be spending 2 weeks totally alone in my apartment, but mostly because they were amazing people.

Please don't ever make me leave this place.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Video Blogging is Awkward

Ever wonder what the Tower of Terror is really like? Don't worry, my first video blog will tell you all about it.

Look at that awkward still that is representing me.

It's a really rough video. Please forgive the out of sync audio, terrible image quality, and my uncomfortable glances at my dad.

I understand if you hate it, but you will just need to deal, because there are going to be more. Many more.

Friday, April 27, 2012

First Week with Conan O'Brien: All the Questions you Didn't Ask

I have officially moved to LA, and I haven't had internet since I got here, which means that blogging has suffered.

Do you like being an intern for Conan O'brien?
It's amazing. Seriously. Yes it's unpaid, and yes there are a lot of coffee runs, but there are a lot of really amazing things, too. Last night we had Jack Black and Ingrid Michaelson on the show. I sat there watching and thought "I am so stinking lucky to be here."
Everyone is nice. All the staff members try to remember my name, and they all talk to me. Everyone smiles, and they are always up to have a conversation. I have so much to learn from all the other employees.
The hours are great. Unlike some productions that have 14 hour days, I'm only here from 9 am to 6 pm. 
On top of all that, we film in Warner Brothers Studios. This is a historic place. I'm in the same studio that Gold Diggers of 1933, Calamity Jane, A Star is Born, Oceans 11, Goonies, and Ghostbusters were filmed. Friends was taped a few buildings down. The courthouse from Batman is nearby. Currently we're surrounded by The Mentalist, Big Bang Theory, Ellen, Pretty Little Liars, and The Voice.

What do you do?
Anything and everything. I mentioned coffee runs earlier. I also set up the green room, stand in for actors during rehearsals, research future guests, work with the audience, welcome guests, help the band before the show, and I'm sure they'll be a lot more

Do you like LA?
Technically I don't live in LA, I live in Burbank, and I'm obsessed. It's humid, but it doesn't get nearly as hot as Florida, so it's glorious. The people here are incredibly kind and always ready to give a compliment. When you're here there's no point in eating at a chain restaurant because you can find great privately owned little places (My personal favorite may be Grilled Cheese and Cupcakes. It's exactly what the name says: a restaurant for adults whose tastebuds didn't mature past a 10 year-old's). Everyone has dogs, but they're more like fashion statements than pets.

Have you met a lot of famous people?
I don't know if I'd say "met," but I have said hi to some. . I've met/seen Jack Black, Ingrid Michaelson, Andy Richter, Conan O'Brien, the lady who played Elaine on Seinfield, and Morgan Spurlock.

Where are you living?
I live about a mile away from the studios in a great apartment. There are a few downsides. I don't have any furniture, so I'll be sleeping on an air mattress while I'm here. My bedroom doesn't have a light. There is a light switch, which probably connects to one of the outlets... but I can't figure out which one. It smells weird... like a cat. I think the last tenants must have owned a kitty, but its smell did not leave with them. And finally, I don't have internet. Other than that, it's quite fabulous.

If you actually have any questions let me know! 

Friday, April 20, 2012

Start Spreading the News, I'm Leaving Today

It's time.  After staying up in 3 am last night writing a research paper about Tangled I officially finished Winter 2012. Thank goodness I survived. Off to Conan.

People have been asking all month about how I feel about going to LA for Conan. 
"Are you nervous?"
"Are you excited?"
"Are you so happy?"
I've been so busy just trying not to fail out of school that I haven't had any time to think about Conan. 

Now I'm leaving tomorrow for California, and all I can think is... I want to take a nap. That's right, I have my dream internship and all I can think about is how much I want to sleep. I've packed, and planned, and stressed and I want to wrap myself up in sweats and sleep for three days.

I hope I only dream of this guy:

This summer I plan on starting a vlog, Be excited. If you have anything you want to hear about this summer, let me know. Your wish is my command sweet readers.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

For Michael

Have you ever met someone and you were best friends instantly? And I don't mean pretend best friends, but best friends FOREVER? It has happened to me. Once. His name is Michael.

First thing you should know about Michael is that he loves himself.
He loves himself so much that he said he didn't want to read my blog if it wasn't about him, and I told him it would be.
So here is our story.

It was my first day of my second summer working for the Mouse on the World Famous Jungle Cruise. My friend Bec was leaving work as I was getting on a boat, as she was leaving she said, "There is a boy here named Michael. He is great. I told him that he needs to give you his number by the end of the day. DON'T LET HIM FORGET!" When Becca and I decide we want someone to be our friend there is no escaping us. Michael had no idea what he was getting into.

I got his number, and forced him to hang out with us that night. We sang Backstreet Boys in the car as we drove to Steak and Shake. It was there that we took our first picture together:
Could we look any MORE unfortunate? The reason we became such good friends is because no one else wanted to be our friend.... obviously
He's a little awkward, obsessed with meeting stupid characters, and spends hours on pinterest, but he noticed when I got my hair cut, and from what I've heard, that's supposed to be a rare skill for a man to possess.

I wanted to include a screen shot of a funny conversation he have had on FB chat... but we never use fb chat, so instead I wanted to show the world that he has always been obsessed with characters.
The last day we got to hang out together before the summer ended, Michael volunteered us for this thing where you re-enact a scene from Pearl Harbor (?). I had never heard of it, all I knew is that we had to put on big black shoes, and smelly, blue plastic suits. Here is a really boring video of us before we went out for our performance.


And now he is going to come spend a weekend with me in LA in August.

I'm sorry you all had to read this post. I hope this brings you joy Michael.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Finals: Bringing Young Adult Complexions Back to Teenage-hood

Finals are hard, I feel like I might die, how can I carry on, blah blah blah. I will not write too much more about the hell known as finals week.

However, I will complain about one thing: What is all this stress doing to my face? Seriously. According to my complexion I should be getting ready to go to my first prom, not heading out to do my first big internship in LA.

"Oh Mordecai, I love the way your look was inspired by Enrique Iglesias and Minkus, it fits perfectly with my angel/princess gown." *
Some girls really can pull off the sweats, messy-hair, haven't gotten ready in days look. They may even look better in sweats than in their normal clothes. That is effortless beauty. My sister is one of those people.
It was hard to find a picture of her in sweats...
I am not one of those girls. I start looking like a cross between a state penitentiary inmate and a pile of dirty laundry.
It may be hard to believe, but I drew this myself.
 Alright, back to work.

*Most of my dance pictures look just about as awkward as this, only they aren't scanned into any sort of digital form. That is the only reason you are missing out on those treasures.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Bruised Fingertips

I am not a musician, but I am passionate about music. So the idea of spending a whole summer away from a piano was terrifying. I mean, how am I going to function without getting time to play the right hand of particularly unpopular musical theater songs? HOW?!? The idea terrified me.

I was faced with a choice: Tie the piano to the top of the jeep and bring it to LA this summer, or learn to play a new instrument.

And with that I introduce you to Charles,* the reason for the title of this post.
What I'm wearing:
Hoodie: High school yearbook staff w/ times new roman font
Shirt: Laguna Surf and Sport (purchased during my obsession with the show Laguna Beach)
Hair: Styled by a day lying around the house pretending to prepare for finals
Make up: Hahaha...
(I saw this whole "what I'm wearing thing" on a fancy fashion blog. It was time to incorporate fancy blogs into this one)
The uke with me looking fierce in the background. Though I may be mixing up the word "fierce" with another word meaning "angry yet confused."

It's really great. I'm really talented. After a few hours practicing I can now sing "Row, row, row your boat" as I strum along. You can ask my parents, they've heard me practice it a million times. They're really impressed though, I mean it has TWO chords. I'm a regular old... um... Hawaiian person who plays to ukulele.

Before you know it I will be playing the ever so cliche ukulele song Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Don't worry, videos will definitely be posted. It's alright to feel unusually excited by that idea.

*He doesn't actually have a name. I don't name inanimate objects. Though, apparently, I do give them genders, as I just referred to it as a he... But his name/title** will change continually with the circumstances. I wil usually call him "My Ukulele." It's cute,  I know

** I just realized that while I avoid giving inanimate objects names, I will give him a title. And I dub him a Duke.  Lord Duke My Ukulele of the Borupland

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Girl on Fire

Me two months ago:
Psh. Hunger Games. 
Never. No. I don't want to see it, thank you.

Me the night before the premiere:
It's going to be just like Twilight.
Not interested.

Me after reading a few reviews:
But I'll see it in the dollar theater

Me on Monday:
I would go if someone asked me...
but I'd go in protest

Me yesterday afternoon:
"Hey... Dad? What are you doing tomorrow?"
"Metal detecting." (duh)
"Do you, uh, want to go see Hunger Games with me?"
"When? I've got a lot of metal detecting to do"

Me right now:
I need archery lessons
And I need to learn how to use a throwing knife...
And I'm going to french braid my hair every day...
I love Peeta...
Shoot, I love Hunger Games!!!

The hipster in me fought a good fight, but lost to the pop-culture obsessed, blockbuster loving, adventure story side of me. I saw Hunger Games.

And what better way to watch the highest grossing blockbuster film of all time than with my dad and my little sister on a Saturday afternoon.
Anticipation building!!! ... even though Brooke had already seen it
We're movies with popcorn people... specifically kettle corn.
This is me pretending I'm still not excited
Since I've joined the Hunger Games team I think I'm going to go all the way with it.

I hope you're all looking forward to meeting my first child: Katniss Peeta Gale Primrose District 12 Bow and Arrow Mocking Jay Effie Trinket Fire "May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor" Gyllenhaal. 

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Omelette Nazi

It was 6:00 am. I had stayed up the night before until 2:30 am, yet I was excited to be up. 
Why? Two words.
Omelette Day

These are no ordinary omelettes, they are the omelettes at the Utah Valley Regional Hospital aka Manna from heaven. My fabulous roommate Annie introduced me to this rare celebration.

Let me paint you a picture.

You can get on an email list to be notified when there will be omelettes. The list has tons of subscribers. Every couple weeks, omelette fans will get an email from the hospital cafeteria "Omelette's will be served on Thursday." And so it begins.

We prepare the night before. Don't eat a big dinner, make sure you don't have any studying or class before 8:00 am, set your alarm, dress in the pajamas you will wear to the hospital the next morning, prepare purse and money.

They start serving omelette's at 7:00 am and they go until about 11:00, but you've got to be parked by 6:50 if you want to beat the crowd. 

After going through the maze of the hospital corridors, you finally arrive at the Red Rock Cafe on the third floor. It is time.

The line is run by Provo's very own omelette nazi. You've got to be prepared to order.
"Half omelette. Chicken, olives, tomatoes, spinach, lots of green peppers. Thank you." Then step aside. If you pause you may be skipped, or insulted at the least. 
Even if you are prepared, you are certain to get some sort of sassy quip from him. This morning I got two. The first came because I took this picture
look at all the condiments!!!
"'Scuse me, did you just take a picture?"
"Yes. Sorry. I swear you weren't in it"
"You better watch yourself, or I am going to take that camera."
"Oh no, not my baby!"
"You better believe it's your baby, because you are going to be nursing it back to health in the corner if you keep that up."

The second came when I placed my order
"Full omelette."
"Full omelette? No. You can't handle a full omelette."

But Annie and I escaped, omelette's in hand. We paid our $3.50 to the perk cashier and sat down to enjoy the taste of sweet victory. By then, it was about 7:15 and the line was already out the door.

Did I mention unlimited guacamole?

Annie doesn't always do thumbs up, but when she does it's because she has an omelette.
It's a great day.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

100th Post

The pressure is on. This is the big 1-0-0. Took almost 4 years to get here, but hey, at least we made it.
Wow. Can't believe I've been working on my sweet little Adult Shave Blog for that long, and regretting the title ever since (note: To those of you who stumbled here by googling something about an adult blog, or adults shaving I come bearing bad news. This is in no way an adult blog. No adult themes, nothing about shaving, and I've come to recognize that it's not even written by an adult. I wish you the best of luck with your next google search).

To celebrate big ONE-HUNDRED I'm going to make a list of 100 things. Not a list of 100 thing about me, just a list of 100 things. Here we go.

1. Hi Brooke, Jo, Dad, and Brian. I know you are my only followers. 
2. Hi weird guy who googled "Adult Blog" and has continued to read, even though I've clarified the content
3. I haven't seen Hunger Games yet. 
4. Here's a sentence for you all to learn in italian "Non ho l'anana, mi dispiace."
5. I don't have a pineapple, I'm sorry
6. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house
7. My mom googles pictures of Justin Bieber
8. My dad metal detects
9. He even has a blog about it
11. 13 days until CONAN
12. Knock knock.
13. Who's there?
14. THE CHICKEN! (if you're confused, refer to #6)
15. My Jungle Cruise days are numbered... 
16. Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
17. I have 8 trophies on my shelf right now
18. I'm Batman
20. I think if I randomly skip numbers no one will notice
21. Bananas and peanut butter
22. Pinterest
23. Google me. You'll see pictures
24. I love supernatural
25. Brooke's Baby hungry
26. Tomorrow there will only be TWELVE days until Conan
27. Tiramisu
28. Ryan Gosling/Jake Ghyllenhall
29. I've become a country fan
30. I hate the beach
31. I got distracted trying to find a youtube video to link from this post.
32. This is my fav website
33. THIS
34.  this
35. Dumb Laws
37. Eh.
38. HAHAHAHAH I love tiny hands
39. Religion
42. Squares
43. Not all those websites are worth visiting
44. On Your Porch - The Format
45. Forks over knives
46. Pilates at 8:05
47. Say no to T-swift
48. Italy is the best
49. My head is larger than average
50. I want to watch Supernatural... but it's dark outside, so I will be scared
51. Churros in Disneyland
52. My dog Dallas
53. Roadtrips
54. Sunny Days
55. Laughing really hard
56. Having no homework
57. Singing when no one else is home
58. Good Hair Days
59. Moulin Rouge
60. Ice Cream. All the Time
61. Get a job!
62. I am livid
63. Fer Rills
64. Nervous making!
65. Nugget!
66. !!!!!!!!!
67. Go home
68. Yeah girl
69. I'm sleepy
70. I love it
71. 30 Rock, SNL, Conan, New Girl, House
72. Canon T2i
73. I have SO many videos I need to edit
75. I swear when I grow up I won't just buy you a rose. I will buy you the whole flower shop, and you will never be lonely.
76. What's left to lose? You've done enough. And if you fail, well then you fail, but not to us. Cause these last 3 years, I know they've been hard, but it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun. Even if it's alone
77. I cut my hair to short... and I cried
78. Did you make it this far?
79. If I could ride an elephant everywhere I would never ask for more
80. Sexey, France and Sexy, Peru. Real places
81. 3 Musketeers
82. Treasure Island
83. Alice in Wonderland
84. Girl names: Penelope, Alice (a la Alice in Wonderland, not Twilight), Bella (Because of my tie with Italy... again, not Twilight)
85. Boy names: Peter, Jack, Oliver, Ben
86. I love keeping a journal
87. I haven't been in the same place for a whole year since high school
88. I should be getting ready for finals
89. Should I start vlogging?
90. Facebook has not forced me to switch to timeline... yet
91. Zack Morris, I will always love you
92. First Concert: Britney Spears "Oops, I did it again" World Tour in SLC
93. First vacation I remember: Disneyland
94. First movie I remember seeing in theaters: Beauty and the Best
95. My sister just walked in my room
96. Come on and ZOOM come on and Zoom
97. Arthur - The musical episode
98. I was really excited about this semester... funny
99. Seriously... this needs to be done
100. FINALLY!!!!!!

Oh my gosh, I regret starting this stupid list.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Sleepy Carl

Mike Birbiglia said it best when it came to how hard it is to wake up in the morning
When I go to bed at night, it's like a different human being enters my body for the night shift. I call my guy Sleepy Carl -- that's my guy. And he's a terrible employee, but he's a great dude. He's always slobbering on my pillow and muttering about Vietnam, but then he'll try to talk me out of waking up with his great plans. He'll be like, 'Why would you go out there when you could stay here and ride on a ferris wheel made of pizza?'
Right now, I'm texting my sister planning our trip to the gym tomorrow morning.
At 7.

I really understand what Mike is saying because I go through a very similar thing every morning, only my version of Sleepy Carl has magic powers. Let me explain.

When I go to sleep my bed feels like this:

But when the alarm goes off at 6:30 a.m. Sleepy Carl has turned it into this:

Ain't no way I'm leaving this to go pretend I know what I'm doing at the gym

Darn you Sleepy Carl!!!

Note: My sister is worse than I am. We've continued to text while I wrote this post. The conversation follows
Brooke: Gym at 7?
Me: Yeah...
Brooke: Sounds painful... Anytime after 4 an option?
Me: No, I have class
Brooke: 7 is earlyyyyyyy...
Me: Yup! and we'll be there. Tell yourself it's easy.
Brooke:  Poop. Ok.
* a few seconds later *
Brooke: I changed my mind. Let's go at 8. I'm not going [in to work] early tomorrow
Me: Are you sure? Think of your camera [that you want to buy]
Brooke: $120 is not going to buy me a camera. I'll just pinch more pennies
Me: Fair. See you at 8

And this is why we are so thin and fit...

I Get Sappy When I Talk About My Family

I love the annual Hirschi family easter egg hunt, mostly because Brooke and I get to hide all the eggs. We are amazing at hiding eggs... especially if you consider the fact that we've had the hunt in the same place for the last four years, so we really know where to hide them. This year Zane got to help us out. That man is a professional egg hider. (if you are in need of a professional egg hider this year, Zane is a fairly affordable master of the science).

The children in my family are perfection. Seriously. I have no children yet, but I'm already jealous that my cousins are cuter than my own children.
Favorite picture of the hunt
There are a MILLION pictures I would love to share, but I'll try to limit it to a few very special, descriptive ones. I'm sure my sister will post more, if she ever gets to pictures off this card... All photo credit goes to her

On a really serious note, this semester has been incredibly hard. It's difficult to describe how hopeless I've felt, but then I'm with my family, and there is so much love and, at least for a little bit, everything starts to feel completely okay. 

I know Brooke wasn't going for any sort of theme in her pictures, she was just taking candid pictures of all the cute things that were happening around. Look how much our dads love us.
Uncle Jon (John?) and his spunky toddler
Brent and his baby... she was having a hard day as you can see  
My papa and me :)
Missy's kids showing grandpa their eggs.
I love going on adventures, and traveling, and making movies, and I've had a LOT of really incredible experiences: Italy, Disney World, Conan. But you know what is the most amazing thing in my life? My  family. It's special.
Love makes us contort our faces to be as unattractive as possible
Tomorrow (today? It's 2:20 a.m. I should go to bed) I get to hang out with the Borup side of the family for my Grandma's birthday and Easter.